So, the good news is I didn’t gain any weight, the bad news is I didn’t lose any either. But you know what, it could be worse. I did have a couple of wobbles this week but I ain’t beating myself up over it.
You see, I had the very strange experience of looking up an old friend, only to find he’d died. It knocked me for six I can tell you. I’m going to be 36 this April and though there are times when I feel I’m ancient, it still feels too young to find people are dead when you look them up!
Death does funny things to my emotions and my mind. I never know how to deal with it because it feels so bloody final. And, it doesn’t matter how well I did or didn’t know a person, I still have this incredible urge to immerse myself in them and absorb them somehow. I was on my way to a gig the other night and passed within 5km of where my friend used to live and though I have passed that road a hundred times, this time it was different.
The situation with the old friend I was looking up was kind of strange. I always got on really well with him, and though we weren’t “tell each other deepest darkest secrets” kind of close, I have a lot of happy memories of the time we spent together. I knew him at a time when I was smoking a lot of dope and our group of friends would have lots of lazy Sundays (and er…Mondays-Saturdays too..) where we’d get stoned, eat rubbish and vegetate for the day. In fairness, as bad as it sounds, it wasn’t all that superficial! Though, having said that, the person I am now wants to go into that house, clean it up and tell those 20 somethings to cop on and get a little exercise every once in a while!
Anyway, we were good mates. He got to know our group because he started going out with one of our female friends. It wasn’t long before we preferred him to her actually. Eventually, the group ended up getting split up because I fell out with my (then) best friend and his other half. The friend (we’ll call him Pat) that died didn’t necessarily take sides, but his girlfriend took their side and there wasn’t a hope in hell of keeping in touch under those circumstances. One day, not long after the row, I got locked out of my car and “Pat” came to my rescue. We didn’t talk about the row that day, but it was nice to see a friendly face from “the other side”. That was the last time I saw him – over 10 years ago.
When I heard of “Pat’s” death, I didn’t feel like I had any kind of right to a huge amount of grief, nor did I shed a tear. But I did feel a huge sense of sadness – especially for him because he was a good guy and deserved to have a long and happy life.
So, I spent the week feeling sort of numb and shocked every time I’d think of it. I know that death has been happening since the beginning of time, but it still screws with my head to no end – to think that someone can disappear never to be seen again – it’s not like I’m slow on the uptake, I’m just slow to get used to it is all.
Anyway, under these circumstances, I think maintaining my weight for a week ain’t all that bad really.
