Distractions…….

A disastrous weigh in week I’m afraid. I was so pissed off I didn’t even calculate how much I’d gained – it’s not much more than a couple of pounds as far as I know but it’s a bloody gain.

It’s not that I can’t behave myself with food – I’ve proven to myself that I can behave and eat properly – for the most part I don’t even binge – I just make unhealthy choices. The problem is, I live an extremely eventful life and I get totally distracted from eating the right thing. You see, the life I lead means that most ordinary hiccups have complications, sometimes to the extent that it sounds like you’re making it up!

What I’m trying to figure out is, how do I stay focussed and weather life’s interruptions? I have the best of intentions, but despite my best efforts, I always seem to end up having to take shortcuts. I know preparation is key, but sometimes there aren’t enough hours in the day or enough energy in the body for that matter!

I’m just finding it so frustrating, not being able to get anywhere. I keep hearing about people who are yo-yo dieters, who lose vast amounts of weight but can’t keep it off. I’ve never been like that – I just never managed to lose a big enough amount of weight to get any kind of satisfaction – just a stone here or there but nothing big.

I firmly believe that this weight loss battle is fought and won in the mind and I need to figure out what’s making me tick in this department. I’ve learned a bit about what way I am with food so far, but obviously I have a ways to go.

On the up side I guess I haven’t totally lost touch cos I’m blogging eh…..

Weigh in and other stuff

So, the good news is I didn’t gain any weight, the bad news is I didn’t lose any either.  But you know what, it could be worse.  I did have a couple of wobbles this week but I ain’t beating myself up over it.

You see, I had the very strange experience of looking up an old friend, only to find he’d died.  It knocked me for six I can tell you.  I’m going to be 36 this April and though there are times when I feel I’m ancient, it still feels too young to find people are dead when you look them up!

Death does funny things to my emotions and my mind.  I never know how to deal with it because it feels so bloody final.  And, it doesn’t matter how well I did or didn’t know a person, I still have this incredible urge to immerse myself in them and absorb them somehow.  I was on my way to a gig the other night and passed within 5km of where my friend used to live and though I have passed that road a hundred times, this time it was different.

The situation with the old friend I was looking up was kind of strange.  I always got on really well with him, and though we weren’t “tell each other deepest darkest secrets” kind of close, I have a lot of happy memories of the time we spent together.  I knew him at a time when I was smoking a lot of dope and our group of friends would have lots of lazy Sundays (and er…Mondays-Saturdays too..) where we’d get stoned, eat rubbish and vegetate for the day.  In fairness, as bad as it sounds, it wasn’t all that superficial!  Though, having said that, the person I am now wants to go into that house, clean it up and tell those 20 somethings to cop on and get a little exercise every once in a while!

Anyway, we were good mates.  He got to know our group because he started going out with one of our female friends.  It wasn’t long before we preferred him to her actually.  Eventually, the group ended up getting split up because I fell out with my (then) best friend and his other half.  The friend (we’ll call him Pat) that died didn’t necessarily take sides, but his girlfriend took their side and there wasn’t a hope in hell of keeping in touch under those circumstances.  One day, not long after the row, I got locked out of my car and “Pat” came to my rescue.  We didn’t talk about the row that day, but it was nice to see a friendly face from “the other side”.  That was the last time I saw him – over 10 years ago.

When I heard of “Pat’s” death, I didn’t feel like I had any kind of right to a huge amount of grief, nor did I shed a tear.  But I did feel a huge sense of sadness – especially for him because he was a good guy and deserved to have a long and happy life.

So, I spent the week feeling sort of numb and shocked every time I’d think of it.  I know that death has been happening since the beginning of time, but it still screws with my head to no end – to think that someone can disappear never to be seen again – it’s not like I’m slow on the uptake, I’m just slow to get used to it is all.

Anyway, under these circumstances, I think maintaining my weight for a week ain’t all that bad really.

Weigh In Report

Last week’s weigh in was a disaster, so much so that I conveniently “forgot” to blog about it here – I’d gained a pound. And if I was being honest with myself, I know that hand on heart I hadn’t done enough to ensure a weight loss.

Thankfully this week was a different matter entirely – I really behaved myself and discovered the secret of chewing gum in between meals. I’m going through an obscene amount of gum and my jaws will eventually develop muscle groups of their own but, guess what? It worked!! – I lost 5.6lbs!!!!

I’m bloody delighted with that result – the week was a disastrous one as far as exercise goes, but on the upside, I’m really happy with the handle I got on my eating. I even had a gig last night and managed to not misbehave too much – afterwards I’m normally starved, but I had some Velvet Crunch crisps (only 80something calories per pack) instead of my usual visit to the nearest chipper.

Now, if I can actually get a decent run (no pun intended) at this exercise malarkey, I might stand a chance of losing some serious weight!

Temptation Deli……

I had a gig last weekend, preceded by a rehearsal, which meant I was out and about from pretty early in the day. I am a firm believer in preparation, but honestly I’ve discovered (thus far) that there is only so much that you can do in certain situations, even with the best will in the world.

For a start, I didn’t get up as early as I should have that day, but the reason I didn’t is because gigging involves an incredibly late night and I need to get enough sleep to keep me going. So I only had an hour to get up, get my hair and make up done, feed the dogs and cats and all the usual bits involved with getting up and out. The result was I had no time to prepare food – not even breakfast – before leaving.

So, I stopped at a garage that has a deli on the way – usually a danger zone for me, but I was as good as gold – I ordered a roll with ham, onion and sweet corn – the sausages looked gorgeous but I didn’t go near them. To top it all, when I got to the counter, what should I see but my favourite marshmallow dolphin thingies!! I could have cried but I resisted the urge.

My good behaviour was aided by the sight of an elderly man (he has to have been at least 75) walking to the shop through the pissing rain with his bike (the road was in bits and not suitable for cycling on). In Ireland it’s a regular enough sight to see an elderly person out on a bike or walking to their destination, unlike me and many of my generation who use their cars for the smallest of journeys. They put me to shame, they really do.