Well, on Monday (yesterday) morning I managed to rise at 6.30am and had Jillian Michaels whoop my butt via the DVD player. I was, of course, knackered afterwards and had only had 4 hours sleep, so I ended up having to sleep for a few hours afterwards just to ensure I could get through the day, but hey it’s a start – Rome wasn’t built in a day.
The reason I only had 4 hours sleep is because I couldn’t get to sleep the night before. The reason I couldn’t sleep the night before is because the level of need for sleep is directly proportional to the level of difficulty I will experience in actually getting to sleep – regardless of how bloody tired I am. Sometimes it’s very hard being me. I have recently heard that there is a hops concoction that is a natural solution to sleep problems so I am going to check this out the next time I get to a health shop. The experience will hopefully not involve an over eager skinny sales assistant delving into my health issues!
I don’t think skinny people realise what it’s like being out in the world when you’re big and self-conscious about it. The weight colours everything and determines how you go about each and every task, not to mention how you feel as you are going about your business.
I play in a band and though I am female, I pull my weight (no pun intended) – a lot of so-called rock chicks tend to arrive just as the gear is all set up and ready to go – sorry but that just ain’t my style. Anyway, it would probably serve me better to take a more hands off approach, because despite my elaborate preparation process to make myself physically semi-presentable, by the time the gear is set up I am sweating profusely. My make up is dripping off my face, my straightened hair is in strings because of sweat and in general I look all hot and bothered and hoping nobody will notice. Musicians tend to sweat a lot in gigs because of the lights etc, but it’s not very common for them to be sweating, huffing and puffing beforehand just from putting up the gear.
It’s hard to get up in front of people to sing and play as it is, but when I end up in that state, believe me it’s even harder. I manage to block it out just enough to keep it together and luckily, our band is quite good (if I say so myself!) so the music takes care of the rest!
However, this is one thing I am looking forward to changing when I lose some weight – years ago, when I was overweight as opposed to really big like I am now, despite being very self-conscious, it was a lot easier to block it out and get up and play a gig without a second thought. Then again I used to drink like a fish back then, which helped in the aforementioned blocking out haha! Mind you, that same drinking is what laid the foundations for the size I am today – how ironic eh?!
