Plodding Along

I forgot to post again…or rather life got in the way.

I also realised I haven’t updated what I’ve been losing/putting on, which would kinda help in the old accountability department.  So, last week I lost just under 1 1/2lbs, the week before I’d put on 0.2 (!) of a lb, but the week before that I’d lost almost 4 1/2lbs which was great.  So, it’s not going at lightning speed, but it is at least going in the right direction.

I have toothaches at the moment, so it’s actually working in my favour in terms of staying away from forbidden stuff.  Exercise wise, admittedly, I could be doing a lot better.   I really need to put in the effort to actually do it – I’ve realised that it makes me feel good when I do it, both from the achievement side, not to mention those endorphine thingys.

Anyway, at least some progress is being made, better than nothin I suppose!

Concentration

I’ve discovered that to wobble near the edge of the wagon, you don’t necessarily have to deliberately DO anything.  This being healthy business requires concentration and I found myself accidentally almost slipping into old bad habits a few times this week.   I had an incident with a rather large bowl of rice krispies last night that could’ve been worse, but my frame of mind was dangerously close to “fill the void with food” mode.

I have been having trouble getting motivated to exercise this week also – I know full well that in order to make any kind of progress I’ve GOT to get off my arse, but I’m caught in that lawnmower syndrome.  I also should be more dedicated about blogging, because I really am scared of taking my eye off the ball and every little bit helps in terms of keeping me on track.

In positive news I’ve decided for the first time in donkey’s years to organise a holiday.  Finances stopped me for a long time, but in recent years my weight has put me off getting out there, but I’ve decided I need something to look forward to – if I book it, I’ll have to bloody go and what’s more it’ll be motivation to get my arse moving.

Lawnmower Woman

I’ve come to the conclusion I’m like a lawnmower.  One that has been sitting in the shed for years without use.  I’ve made numerous attempts to actually get the lawnmower out of the shed, some have been successful, some have failed miserably.  The lawnmower has been out of the shed for a while now (roughly translated, I’ve faced up to the fact that I’m overweight and need to do something about it), but I’m at the stage where I’m trying to start it, but can’t quite get it to keep going.  You know where you pull the chord and it coughs, you pull again, it coughs, you pull again and it coughs and splutters – sometimes it sounds like it’s going to go, but then it stops.  It’s frustrating when it’s a lawnmower and infuriating when it’s yourself.

There were a times over the last few years when the lawnmower got going and stayed going for a while, but then it hit a bump on the lawn and stopped.  Instead of starting again straight away while it was still warm, I let it go cold and even sometimes got fed up and put it back in the shed.

I haven’t figured out yet if there’s a magic way or a knack to getting the old lawnmower going – maybe I’m coming at it from the wrong angle – maybe I haven’t put the right kind of oil in – who knows – but I’ll have to keep trying cos the lawn looks like shit!

Hormonal Slave….

Today I’m having trouble dragging myself into action.  I’m not eating rings around me (thankfully) but I am very hormonal and it feels like I’ve got a ton weight holding me down.  Even writing this feels like a chore!  But somehow, I feel it’s better to write about it than not write.  How does one drag oneself up out of the doldrums?  I’ve found that the only way is to “do it even if you don’t feel like it and you’ll feel better afterwards” – but today feels like one of those days to cover my head and hope to feel better tomorrow.

Arrrrrrgh!

Bleh……

Back on the wagon again….

You’d think I’d have gotten the hang of things by now but astonishingly I managed to fall off the wagon for 5 months. In my defence it’s not like I’ve been gorging myself while off the wagon, in fact, I’ve maintained my weight, which I suppose is something, but disappointingly there was no weight loss. This time, my health has frightened me into action, I found out I have gallstones and I have no intention of going under the knife. Thankfully I have learned how to manage the situation by avoiding fatty foods and of course doing this can only be a good thing for my weight.

Even though I only barely got going on this blog the first time I’m feeling guilty for not sticking with it, even when I wasn’t “on the wagon” – the accountability factor alone might have made me try a little harder. I’m also feeling a bit foolish, like anyone that might read this will be thinking “flippin idiot, lazy bitch, falling off the wagon again – what was all that talk about in January?”

But I’m not lazy. I work hard, probably harder than others if the truth be known. But even I will beat myself up with the lazy/unworthy card every so often and I think this contributes hugely to my inability to drag myself back on the wagon. It’s very hard to get back up after a fall if someone is beating the crap out of you, especially if that someone is yourself.

I think I need to resign myself to the fact that there will be times when I will fall off the proverbial wagon, but I must try to make the “down time” less and less each time and not beat myself up over it, just encourage myself to get back with the programme.

So, I’m just over a week back into it now and progress has not been staggering, but I’ll find my way. The main thing is I’m moving my arse, doing some work with weights and on the exercise bike. I’m also watching what I eat but I’m trying to carve my path carefully on that one. I realised that being told I’m allowed x amount of points or calories in a particular day will make me panicky and obsessive about the food, more panicky and obsessive in fact, than when I’m not watching what I eat! So I tried not sticking to points but making sure I steered clear of fatty foods, filling at least half my plate with salad at dinner and completely eliminating all junk food. But, as I did not lose any weight I fear I need some level of restriction involved. So I’m going to try again with WLR but try even harder to not obsess about the food.

So here goes, I’m trying again – fingers crossed……………