( Written 18th January 2008 )
This blog is for me and anyone who has embarked (or is thinking of embarking) on a journey of making permanent lifestyle changes, with a view to becoming more healthy and of course, losing some weight.
A little bit of background: Much of my childhood is a blur (for reasons I won’t go into right now) but I can remember having issues with weight for a lot of that time. In fact, for as far back as I can remember, I have always thought of myself as fat, even when I wasn’t really all that much overweight – it didn’t matter, I felt like a beached whale. I never uttered the word fat out loud though, because that would make it real and I’d have to engage with people on the subject.
Anyway, about a year and a half ago I braved the scales for the first time in a very long time and was horrified at what I saw. At this point I’m not comfortable talking in numbers, but let’s just say I never thought I’d reach the weight I had done. Suddenly it wasn’t about losing a stone or two, it was much bigger than that – okay so I didn’t (and don’t) look morbidly obese like what you see on the telly, but I sure ain’t no Twiggy! In any case, suffice it to say I was shocked into action and I managed to pluck up the courage (a mammoth task at the time) to go to Weight Watchers.
After a slightly shaky start at Weight Watchers (thanks to the time of the month I managed to put up 2.5lbs in the first feckin’ week!) I started to make real progress and before long I’d lost a stone. However my success was short lived as a couple of months later I decided to give up smoking and Christmas was just around the corner and the rest is history (bar a couple of attempts in between) until now.
Though I had a lovely Christmas this year, I was also appalled at how I abused my body with the amount of drink and food I put in there. I actually felt like I was going to die at some points because I just felt so unhealthy. I was actually longing for the New Year to come so I could put some discipline on myself.
So, it’s time for a change. At this point I’m almost two weeks into the new regime and while there have been a couple of shaky moments, I’m still on the straight and narrow. I lost 2lbs the first week and I’m anxiously approaching my weigh in on Sunday morning.
I’ve decided not to go to Weight Watchers meetings but I still follow the points system as I really need the discipline. I don’t know what other WW meetings are like but ours defeated the purpose of the whole “staying behind” thing in my opinion – I don’t really need convincing of the merits of “staying for the meeting” but it really pisses me off that not enough time is allotted for questions from members or time made for chatting about what works/doesn’t work etc. So, I’ll be damned if I’m going to pay €10 a week just to get weighed and listen to a cheesy speech full of stupid puns and cringy metaphors!
Another crucial part of my plan is exercise. An exercise bike, treadmill (which I didn’t realise is manual –argh!), weights, gymball, trampoline and skipping rope have been bought. And if I was reading this I’d think “oh hear we go she’s buying stuff, but will it be used?” – well I really do hope so and I do feel determined. At the moment I just can’t face going to the gym, I don’t know if I could handle a load of skinny people around me doing their thing while I huff and puff and sweat for Ireland! When I gain a little confidence I’ll go to the gym to use their fancy equipment but for now it’s just me getting myself moving.
I think what’s driving me most right now is that I feel like I’m in a race against time. I feel like I’m on my last chance, that I’ve abused the body I was given and now it’s time to put things right. I’m only 34 but I feel 84 so enough is enough.
So, it’s onwards and upwards from here, I’m determined to change for the better – permanently. So there.
